#whatyoumissedthisweekend: Fatcake Saturday Night Ride Call

Wheels slid along the oval track. Some people wobbled, while others swooped through disappearing gaps between wheels. I leaned against the wall to stay upright, happy to catch my breath.

No: not a track cycling race. This time, it was Saturday night roller skating. Disco roller skating, complete with line dancing in the center of the track and flashing neon lights. $15. Cash only. A converted church in the Lower Haight: the Church of 8 Wheels.

Exchanging 2 wheels for 8 seems, intuitively, 4 times easier. What could go wrong?

Just in case, I’d read some Yelp reviews on Saturday afternoon to prep myself for the trials ahead. The message seemed simple: Bring your friends, bring your cycling gear (okay, I made that part up), and leave your pride checked with your coat at the door.

The greatest compliment given to the splashy, flashy, croissant-happy Fatcake crew that descended upon the Church of 8 Wheels this past Saturday came from a stranger: “Are you all cyclists dressed up as roller skaters, or roller skaters dressed up as cyclists?”

As shocked as anyone, I gawked at the skills displayed by Fatcake’s swooping cyclists. Someone managed to do the splits, while I got ready to call 9-1-1. Another in the line dance showed off footwork straight out of A Chorus Line. At one point, a circular conga line formed between Cakers, spinning and speeding up dizzily.

This conga line is the real reason that each of our Strava activities (recording the skate, of course) look like drawings of fuzzy balls of yarn.

As for me, I stuck out like a croissant at an ice cream shop. Unlike my coordinated club mates, I shuffled slowly through my first laps around the track. My Cake-clad friends took up the slack, though, giving me a few handy pointers and making fun of me only as much as I could bear.

Like riding a bike, we’re already looking forward to the next ride call.

Words by Matt Krane

Pics by Nikko Lubinski